I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in,
she said: Cheque books.
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the
prices of new car.
What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into
men when they drink.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute
and then expects your pulse to be normal.
Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on
the mat as you came in? New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and
closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Home is where you can say anything you like, 'because nobody listens to you anyway.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... But my work does not stop at all.
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
Friend:"Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
WIFE: "I couldn't lift the table."
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free... But Trip around the Sun.
I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.
Yes. my cat name is "Meow".
Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.
If flying is so safe, Then why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?