Thursday, April 28, 2011

MARRIAGE JOKES ....more like facts

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

There are two times a man does'nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!

A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man!

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all !

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he does'nt.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street the husband yelled, "No, jump in!"

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A man who muttered a few words in the church, found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced!

Marriage puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

10 Animals with Unique Skills...

10. Plumed Basilisk: Walking on Water
Coming in at No. 10 in our countdown of animal skills is a Central American lizard with an unusual habit. The plumed basilisk spends much of its time in streamside trees or shrubs waiting for an insect or small vertebrate to pass close enough so it can pounce and devour it. But when the lizard is threatened, it drops down into the stream and escapes by walking across the water on its hind feet, using its tail for added support. Aptly nicknames the “Jesus Christ lizard,” this beautiful turquoise-green reptile is also known for its running speed on land – up to 7 miles per hour – and for its ability to remain submerged underwater for up to 30 minutes.

9. Bloodhound: Olfaction
Under the sleepy eyes of the bloodhound sits the nose of a super-detective, with a sense of smell up to a million times more sensitive than that of humans. Because of the bloodhound’s fine-tuned olfactory system, it is commonly used by police officers to track down the scents of missing or fugitive people. Its nose has more than 200 million olfactory cells, which can lock onto an odor and follow it for several days, despite the presence of other scents along the way. This keen sense of smell, along with the bloodhound’s tenacity, makes it the ideal tracking dog.

8. Eagle: Eyesight
All birds of prey have very keen eyesight, which they rely on in order to find prey, but eagles are especially gifted in the visual department. By some estimates, eagles can see at least four times as much detail as humans. This is due to a few essential anatomical adaptations: large pupils that minimize diffraction, a ridge over each eye that shields sunlight and a higher concentration of cone cells in the eye. The result is incredible accuracy in locating prey, often at a distance of hundreds of yards. Hence we have the term “eagle eye” for people who display sharp vision.

7. Dung Beetle: Moonlight Navigation
Dung beetles are already world-renowned for their ability to roll a ball of excrement across great distances, but recent evidence suggests that a certain species of dung beetle (African Scarabaeus zambesianus) may be capable of another impressive skill: navigation using polarized light from the moon. These insects are often observed to travel in a straight line with their dung balls, despite whatever obstacles they may encounter. It seems that these insects rely on the patterns created when moonlight interacts with particles in the atmosphere (polarization) to navigate in a straight line. When no moonlight is available, the dung beetles tend to veer, curve or otherwise meander, making safe delivery of those poop packages much more difficult.

6. Puma: Jumping
Possessing incredible strength and speed, the puma is one of the most formidable predators on the planet. But it’s the puma’s skill at jumping that gives it the No. 6 spot on our countdown. Also known as a mountain lion, cougar or panther, this animal has muscular hind legs and large paws designed for powerful leaping. From a standing position, the puma has been known to jump 15 feet vertically. With a running start, the animal can easily clear 40 feet horizontally. Pumas use this incredible skill to hunt, quietly sneaking up on prey until they are within pouncing distance and then delivering a swift and fatal bite to the neck.

5. Bats: Echolocation
Bats have a lot of unique and interesting adaptations. For example, most bats spend the majority of their time upside down and some feed on the blood of other animals. They are also the only mammals that can fly. But perhaps the most impressive feature of bats is their ability to hunt using echolocation. With echolocation, bats send out high-frequency clicks as they fly. Then, they listen for the variations in the echoes that come back, which indicate the location of nearby insects. Using this system, they are able to feed on about 1,000 bugs per night, all caught on the wing.

4. Shark: Electroreception
Sharks are among the most evolutionarily successful animals on the planet, due in large part to a variety of adaptations that give them a competitive edge in the wild. One of those adaptations is electroreception, which is a keen sensitivity to electrical impulses. Here’s how it works: as fish swim around, their movement sends tiny electrical signals through the water. Sharks pick up on those signals as the water passes over a series of jelly-filled pores on their head. The pores, called ampullae de Lorenzini, are an extension of the lateral line system in sharks, which is a sensory organ that stretches down the sides of their bodies. Combined with the lateral line, electroreception allows sharks to snag prey with deadly accuracy, even in murky water.

3. Cephalopod: Jet Propulsion
Cephalopods, a group of animals that includes squids and octopuses, are the fastest invertebrates in the sea, in part because of their unusual ability to use jet propulsion. When water flows into the animal’s mantle cavity, it is held under pressure as long as its orifices are closed, except for an opening called the funnel. When the muscles of the mantle wall contract and squeeze the pressurized water back through the funnel, the animal is propelled through the water at a rate of up to 25 miles per hour. Cephalopods are also able to control the direction and speed of their movements, allowing them to move away from a threat or toward a prey animal as needed.

2. Hummingbird: Aerial Acrobatics
Not only are hummingbirds among the most beautiful birds on the planet, they are also the most impressive flyers. Within their wings the joint between the upper and lower arm is positioned very close to the body, giving them incredible leverage and flexibility in the air. They also beat their wings extremely fast – some species at 80 times per second, and do so in a figure eight pattern, which adds to their maneuverability. Hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backwards and upside down. They are also the only bird with the ability to hover in the air, which is both captivating to look at and extremely advantageous for feeding on plant nectar.

1. Cheetah: Running
Reaching speeds of up to 68 miles per hour, the cheetah is the world’s fastest terrestrial animal. With its long legs, small head and slender body, this animal is literally built for speed. When the cheetah runs, its backbone coils and uncoils with every stride, which helps to propel the animal forward during a chase. By some estimates, this feature may increase the cheetah’s speed by up to 20 miles per hour. However, the cheetah’s impressive speed comes at a high price: the animal is unable to run for longer than 10 to 20 seconds before it overheats. Because it makes its home in the savannah and other open areas where there is little opportunity to hide, the cheetah must rely on its speed to capture prey and time its kills precisely in order to bring down prey swiftly.

The Animal Tracks!

All ears

Fancy feathers

Hey, hoser

Prepared for takeoff

Leaps and hounds

Horsing around

That's a mouthful

Kitty crossing

Winging it

Playful perch

Over easy

Sleepy in the sun

Bird watching

It's a stretch

Morning meditation

Focused on food

Future's so bright

America's Coolest City Parks

Governors Island, New York City
Instead of lazing in Central Park’s Sheep Meadow or Great Lawn, head south for eclectic art, food events and even a sandy beach at this former military base off the tip of lower Manhattan.

Balboa Park, San Diego
The sprawling 1,200-acre Balboa Park packs in more than two dozen cultural institutions, including the Old Globe theatre, the San Diego Museum of Art and the famed San Diego Zoo.

Golden Gate Park, San Francisco
This iconic park—where the Summer of Love kicked off in 1967—has gotten at least some updates, including the newly redesigned de Young Museum and the California Academy of Sciences.

Papago Park, Phoenix / Tempe
Orange-red geological rock formations like Hole-in-the-Rock have been a fixture of this 1,200-acre park for millennia. The Desert Botanical Garden, a more recent addition, nurtures cacti and succulents—amid a rotating collection of modern art.

Grant Park, Chicago
The northwest corner, dubbed Millennium Park, made headlines when it opened in 2004 with the Frank Gehry–designed Jay Pritzker Pavilion and Anish Kapoor’s stainless-steel Cloud Gate—the shiny bean-shaped sculpture that’s become an icon.

World's last typewriter factory shuts down in Mumbai

London, April 26 ( ANI ) : Godrej and Boyce - the last company left in the world that was still manufacturing typewriters - has closed its production plant in Mumbai, India.

The company is now left with its last 200 machines - the majority of which are Arabic language models. Although typewriters became obsolete years ago in the west, they were still common in India - until recently. But with consumers switching to computers the demand for the machines started falling drastically in the last ten years.

"We are not getting many orders now," The Daily Mail quoted the company's general manager, Milind Dukle, as telling India's Business Standard newspaper.

"From the early 2000s onwards, computers started dominating. All the manufacturers of office typewriters stopped production, except us.

"Till 2009, we used to produce 10,000 to 12,000 machines a year. But this might be the last chance for typewriter lovers. Now, our primary market is among the defence agencies, courts and government offices," he said.

The firm began production in the 1950s.

21 Unknown Facts that you do not know....

1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions.

2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!

3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.

4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.

5. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.

6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe

7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.

8. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.

9. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.

10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.

11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

13. Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.

14. Our eyes (Pupils) are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

15. Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.

16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.

17. At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.

18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.

19. Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk right foot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot

20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal.

21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.